these are the thoughts that go through my head
in my backyard on
a Sunday afternoon when I have the house
to myself and i am not
expending all that energy on fighting
with
my
boyfriend

is he the one
that I will marry?
why is it so hard
to be objective about
myself? why do I feel
cellularly alone?
am I supposed to live
in this crazy city? can blindly continued fear-induced regurgitated life-denying tradition
be overcome?

where does the mon-
ey go that I send
to those in need? if we have so much why do some people have
nothing still? why do I
feel frantic when I
first wake up in the morning?
why do you say you are spiritual
yet you treat people like shit?

how can you say you're close to god
and yet you talk behind
my back as though I am not
a part of you? why do
I say I'm fine when it's
obvious I am not?
why's it so hard to tell you what I want?
why can't you just read my mind?

why do I fear that the quieter I am
the less you will listen? why do I care whether you like me or not? why is it so hard
for me to be angry?
why is it such work to stay
conscious and so easy to get stuck
and not the other way around?

will I ever move
back to canada? can
I be with a lover with whom I am a student
and a master? why am I
encouraged to shut my
mouth when it gets too close to
home? why cannot I
live in the moment?

- posted by Musique @ 3:58 下午